Darkness that consumes

The first thing, I am terrified of the dark. It is an irrational fear that comes from the horrors of the “what ifs” from my imagination. What if trees actually could move their branches willingly as arms? What if vines could extend their fingers and latch onto people and animal, or insects? What if bricks could breathe and will themselves to move a brick wall? So many other horrors to where I do not watch horror movies. What if every time I step on a crunchy leaf, I hurt the tree it fell from? And the tree like crows remember me? What if objects had feelings and emotions or they could hold memories? Doors would remember every time you slammed them shut? I think of all the ways inanimate objects could become animated with feelings and souls. I go for walks all hours of the day and night. The fear sets in when no one is around because if something were to happen and I were to escape it. Who would believe the ridiculous chain of events? To use a partial quote from Matilda, she does crazy things so no one would believe their children. I have been told by the people I have intimately shared my fear with that I SHOULD WRITE A STORY ABOUT IT. I am not a writer. Well by definition, I am a writer. I do not believe I am good enough to be called a real writer. That might play into another fear of mine…. Success.

What if I am successful and I cannot handle what is to come after that? The response, so what. What if I do become successful and spread goodness to the world? What if this little blog gains traction and touches people? Fear itself is made up I tell myself. I tell myself before going into dark spaces, there are no monsters that exist, inanimate objects do not have brains, and if there are, I only have the knowledge I possess to combat them.

Do I believe in ghosts? Yes, yes I do. Am I scared of them? No, I am not, once I establish spots and spaces and boundaries life has been lived. Ghosts are proven to be real and am I afraid of them in the dark? Maybe I am, but in reality, the dark scares the crap out of me. Sitting in dark, I have to remind myself that I am light. And on that hand being light, darkness cannot exist where there is light. 

There is also the darkness that consumes me. This darkness I do not fear, because I am the one that creates it. The dark storms that surround me and consume me are the ones I pull from thin air. The ones that tell me dark things since I let the voices in my head win, I am not scared of that darkness. I acknowledge the dark storm; I learn to appreciate the bright lightening and the loud thunders. I learned to breath in the winds that knock the breath out of others. I dance in the rains and the puddles, and I work the lightness. This darkness that is darker than the nightfall skies when it consumes me, I become the moon in the dark. I enjoy the darkness that I create because I know what is inside of it, I know what created it, and therefore I do not fear it.