I don't know what I am doing but it feels right

Teenage me never thought I would live this far. I was under the impression that I would die early from something...mostly myself. My father told me one time that my integrity would get me killed one day. My mother made the world out to be this unsafe place that I would die instantly. There have been many times in my life I should have died. I did not though. I do take things day by day well try to anyway. There are several times as a child and as a teenager I hit my head hard without injury. Never broke a bone despite being in situations where I should have according to doctors. I have been told that people who do not get broken bones get injured mentally and emotionally. I think there is some truth to that. I have never broken a bone, my heart has been pummeled to death, to a fine powder that is gone with the wind, with every step I take, every person that walks by, every deep breath I release. A powder so fine not evening lightning can fire it together. still my lungs function, blood runs through my body, and my bones are not broken. I don't know what I am doing because I am not physically broken. I thought I would be hit by a truck, kidnapped, caught fire spontaneously, murdered, or poisoned to death. I thought maybe I would get some rare disease that's un curable and spend a year traveling until I die and making a documentary. Maybe my nightmares were true and there are monsters that live in the drywall. Still not dead. The biggest problem is I do not know how to take small steps. I swan dive into anything and hope that I will end up okay. There is little scope, plan, discussion, there is only hope and pure will power in the wheelhouse. Somehow that has kept me alive. I do not know what I am doing, I am not dead yet so I must be doing something right......I think