Spirit of Small Courage

Courage I think is scary. You become courageous and provide an action without really knowing what could happen next just knowing that that’s the decision you want to make. When I was, I think 7 my neighbor and my mother got into a yelling match over something with the backyard. My mom I think got in his face or personal space and he pushed her down. It felt like I glided down the steps because at that age the abuse hadn’t started and that was my momma. I got to the back door, one foot on the porch and my mom comes inside the house. She scoops me up and sits me on her lap and apologizes that I had to see them yell at each other. I told my mom I was coming to help. I don’t know what a 30 pound child could do, but I was going to find out.

Fast forward a few years and my mom is on her second marriage, year two and its starting to go downhill. Her husband at the time smacked the puppy so hard she squealed. We were working on potty training her because unlike our first dog, she didn’t bark to go outside. She had peed on the carpet. Let me set this up for you. I am about 55 pounds soaking wet and maybe a little over 4 ft tall. He is a 6ft 250 pound man. I went right up to him and started yelling at him because why would you hit her that hard. I had no fear, he was a violent man and I didn’t care. My mom comes down stairs and starts screaming at him because how dare he talk to me that way and hit the puppy. He storms out of the house and I let the puppy outside and clean up the mess. Then go out back and cuddle her in the back yard. Now that I am in my thirties, I think of that moment, I have always been a feisty take no crap from no one type of person. There are moments where I sit and wonder where that little girl went. I channel her in various ways. Mostly the way that she says I can do that, let me try, can you teach me?  As an adult though, you are told to mind your business, don’t get involved in others problems, don’t interject into altercations that are not your people. Being that little girl means right is right and wrong is wrong. Anything can be solved with a discussion and not spears, guns, and fists. In any case, I don’t know what I am doing because there is no manual for life, even if there was, would anyone really read it fully? I would that is just me. Be courageous even if that courage is not freaking out when your food groups are touching on your plate.